When youre just shit outta luck ....

Two Guys In The Bar One says, "Did your hear the news? Mike is dead!" "Whoa, what the hell happened to him?" "Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived at my driveway, he was going too fast, couldn't brake properly and boom - he hits the curb and the car flips. The car knocks down half of my front fence and Mike gets thrown through the sunroof. He went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."



"What a horrible way to die!"



"No no, he survived that. That didn't kill him at all. So, he lands in my upstairs bedroom, lying on the floor all covered in broken glass. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking one arm, three ribs and both his legs."



"What a way to go, that's terrible!"



"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and drags himself out onto the landing. He tries to pull himself up on the bannister but under his weight, the bannister breaks and he goes falling all the way down to the first floor taking the entire bannister with him. In mid air, all the broken bannister poles fall on him and 2 or 3 of them skewer him right through the abdomen just like a rotisserie chicken when he landed at the bottom."



"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"



"No no, that didn't kill him. He survived even that. So he's on the downstairs floor just outside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove by but reaching for a big pot of boiling hot water, and whoosh, the whole thing comes down on him and burns most of his skin off."



"Man, what a terrible way to go!"



"No no, he survived that, he survived that ! He's lying on the floor, scalded by boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing out of the wall. Water and electricity don't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, with 220 volts going right through him."



"Now that is one awful way to go!"



"No no, he survived that, he ..."



"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"



"I shot him!"



"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"



"He was wrecking my f..king house