Monday, June 12, 2006

Just too much ... I cant stop laughing....

A rich white guy decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all

of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Philamon, the token

black guy in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the

backyard of his mansion.

Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp,

oysters and BBQ and flirting with the women. At the height of the

party, the rich white dude said, "I have a 10 ft. man-eating crocodile

in my pool and I'll give a million bucks to anyone who has the balls to

jump in."

The words were barely out of the rich white dude's mouth when there was

a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Philamon in the pool!

Philamon was fighting the croc and kicking its ass! He was jabbing the

croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of

things like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and

flipping it through the air like some kind of Japanese Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Philamon and

the croc were screaming and raising hell. Finally Philamon strangled

the croc and let it sink to the bottom like a sick goldfish. Philamon

then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him

in disbelief.

Finally the rich white guy says, "Well, Philamon, I reckon I owe you a

million bucks."

"No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Philamon.

The rich white dude said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won

the bet. How about half a million bucks then?"

"No thanks. I don't want it.", answered Philamon.

The white dude said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something.That

was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock


The brother said no.

The confused rich white guy said, "Well, Philamon, then what do you


Philamon answered, "I want the name of the muthaf*cker who pushed me in

the pool!"

One should think before asking old people stuff....

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't

prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first

witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since

you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.

You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk

about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you

the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher.

Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across

the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a

youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't

build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the

worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three

different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet

voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send

you to the electric chair."

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Stop Streets explained...

Cop pulls over a taxi.
Cop says: "License please."
Taxi driver says: "What for?"
Cop: "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Taxi driver: "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Cop: "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License please."
Taxi driver: "What's the difference?"
Cop: "The difference is you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law. License please!"
Taxi driver: "Heish ... if you can show me the difference between slow
down and stop, I'll give you my license and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket."
Cop says: "Exit your vehicle, sir."
The taxi driver gets out of his taxi, whereupon the cop takes out his truncheon and starts beating the crap out of the taxi driver and says: "you want me to stop or just slow down?"