How to tell when your team is going down the crapper...

I would be a staunch supporter of my national rugby union team.
I have been the only one (on occasion)who steadfastly believes they can do the job.
Through thick and thin as they say....
But you know that the road is getting rocky when you get jokes sent to you like this one....

Please be careful



I need to warn you about a new crime wave hitting the country.



Last night I was attacked and forced to the ground. The guy pushed something into my pocket and ran away. When I looked what it was, I saw it's a ticket to the next Springbok rugby game.



Please be careful, these people are desperate to get rid of these tickets and will stop at nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!1



You see what Im getting at ..... ? I STILL dont care.... The boys will do what needs to be done to make me proud ! Even if it takes a while :-)

Fathers Intuition...

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear.

The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter took the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat. Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, "That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?"

The father replied "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law".

Dear Santy.....

Dear Santy,

I know this is not the normal time you get letters for requests so I thought you may have some extra time to spend on thinking it over.

I have been a good boy this year and tried to work hard.
I have been diligent and loving to my family.
I havent screwed anybody overlately (that didnt desrve it).
I got the dent in the car fixed that I caused.
I bought my wife a pretty new house to decorate with whatever her heart desires.
I helped a friend in need yesterday with money I may never see again.
I fetch and carry my wife and daughter to and from appointments and train stations of my own volition, even without even being asked.
I have been abstenious with regards consumption of excess alcohol.

Etc Etc Etc ..... ad Nauseum.......


NOW WHERE IS MY FUCKEN PUPPY ??????!!! !!!

I SO do want a puppy,..... I love the smell and feel of them. I love that they cuddle and squirm against you when the doze off next to you on the couch. I especially love the smell of their ears.(yeah it is a bit weird but I dont care).It doesnt have to be a big one - just a little one will do.
Maybe a Jack Russel or a fox terrier or even better a little wire haired terrier like Rintin. I promise i will walk him, I will even clean up after him, he can go to the kennels when we go away on holiday.

I know its not practical - but I do SO want a puppy.......

or pls take the ache from my heart.

Its all a matter of Trust....

Nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" line.

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman.

He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"

A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender.

Do you trust your fellow officers?"

A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"

A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"

A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"

A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback"line -- and we think he'll win.